griffin xander

oh goodness, i can't believe it's nearly been a full month...

griffin was born march 30th after a rather difficult and long labor. as the days go by i'm finding it harder and harder to express what i was feeling during those hours. i need to sit down and really write how he came into the world but lately all i can do is stare at his beautiful face and time seems to slip by at warp speed. i will say that i went into this whole process very optimistic and perhaps a little naive. i wasn't able to have the all-natural birthing experience that i wanted because at some point in the wee hours of the morning my head started fighting with my body and once that flicker of doubt creeped in the labor stalled and most likely would have indefinitely had there not been some interventions. it was hard, so very very unbelievably hard and scary when you can't control the waves of pain and exhaustion and you can't even catch your breath and there seems to be no end in sight. but little did i know that everything happened for a very important reason - the life of my son might have been compromised had we not gone to the hospital. my poor baby was born very blue with the umbilical chord wrapped around his throat and didn't breath on his own for several minutes after delivery. also, the amount of meconium in his lungs could have been catastrophic and had it not been for the handful of doctors and nurses frantically working on him...well, it's too devastating to put into words.

what i will say now is that the both of us are healthy and happy and my husband and i came out of the experience better for it. our little family is doing amazingly well. all is right with the world.